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Coping with the Death of a Baby

Death is never easy to accept, but the death of a child can be devastating. The death of an infant can be especially difficult to accept. A couple plans for pregnancy, dreams of the new life, imagines what the child will look like. After months of waiting, the wait is finally over and the baby is born dead. The parents have just endured the most difficult event any parent can experience.

There are a few things that can be done to help parents overcome the immense feelings of guilt, anger, sadness and grief that overtake them.

One thing that may help grieving parents is to take comfort in the memories of the baby. Remember the poignant moments of the pregnancy - the announcement, the first ultrasound, the heartbeat, the first movement, the hiccups, the kicks and punches. Pictures of a finished nursery waiting for a baby that will never sleep there.

The medical staff will help you to accept the death by asking you if you want to see your baby and have a photo taken for you to remember what they baby's face looks like. The hospital will likely have a grief counselor that will see you and speak with you about what happened to the baby and how you feel about the death of your baby.

If at all possible it is healthy for the parents to be the ones to put away the baby's nursery. The act of taking down the nursery may seem cruel, but it helps to imprint the fact that the baby is not coming home. This way neither of the parents can pretend that the death did not happen.

Time does heal all things and eventually time will heal the pain of losing a baby. There will be many things that will remind you of your loss - baby strollers in the park, babies crying in church, having baby corn for dinner or holding a newborn baby for a friend.

Your pain will not go away over night and it will take time to heal from the loss. Taking it one day at a time and giving the two of you time to grieve and to mourn your loss completely is the best gift you can give yourselves. Many couples make the mistake of becoming pregnant right away. One baby cannot replace another baby. Having another baby will not lessen the pain of your loss.

The couple will need to take comfort from each other and one day when they are ready life will seem fresh and new again.

Recommended books for dealing with the loss of a child:

A Grace Disguised, by Gerald Sittser.

The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child, by Barbara D. Rosof.