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Coping With the Final Stages of Death

We all cope with death in our own unique manner. Some of us are unfortunately more experienced with death than others. How we cope will also depend on our relationship with the person dying. It will also depend on whether or not the relationship is a personnel one or a professional one. Hospital workers come in contact with death sometimes on a daily basis. Many of us face watching our parent, spouse or even our child die. We may watch a co-worker or friend die. Gathering information ahead of time can be helpful or at least give an idea of what you may expect to see, hear and witness. You may also discover how to give a measure of comfort to the dying person. Here are just a few tidbits of information that may be useful.

Some of the questions we may encounter as we contemplate visiting a dying person in the hospital, in a care facility or at their residence can be answered with the following advice:

Sometimes actions can give more comfort than words, so look around and notice things that may be of support such as listening to a family member who just needs to vent, or supply a meal to the family, or just sit and hold a hand.

Sometimes the individual will give you clues as to how you should respond, so wait, watch and listen.

It may be helpful to keep some semblance of normalcy especially if you were close and often spent time together. If possible do what you would normally do. Acting different may strain the situation more than just being there would.

The individual may be able to guide you in the best way to respond to the situation, so ask, "How can I help?"

Sometimes it is necessary to lend support to a friend facing a death in their family. Maybe the husband of your friend is dying and you would like to be there for her and are uncertain as to exactly how to do that. When truly at a loss as to what to do or say, seek help from sources of authority such as a brochure called, "Supporting Your Friend through Illness & Loss". This brochure can be found through the Hospice Foundation of America.

There are many places in which support of those who are dying or those to whom someone they love are facing death; can be found. Hospices are one such place, hospitals and nursing homes are other places. Individuals can also choose to spend the last stages of death at home. The surrounds may differ but the needs are basically the same. When visiting at institutionalized places, there may be protocol to follow, so just ask at the information desk or ask the staff to assist you.

It is important for family members and friends to realize that although it may be uncomfortable to visit someone that is dying; when you chose not to the person can feel as though they are abandoned at a time when they need support the most. When a dying person has all of their mental faculties in tact, the process is not just a physical one but also a mental and emotional one too. It can bring comfort just to know that others care enough to come, even if all they do is sit and listen.

The dying individual may gain comfort from someone who can give empathy for the process they are going through or by the fact that you express concern for them.

As difficult as it may be to acknowledge the fact that they are dying, doing so may give them permission to express feelings in front of you that they may otherwise keep inside such as anger, fear, or sadness. These feelings are normal and healthy and being able to express them will aid them in working through the final stages of death. As difficult as it may be for you to hear these feeling being expressed providing the assurance that it is OK to express them will be such a blessing.

When you ask, "what can I do to help?", be prepared to be asked to do tangible things for them or for their family members as they try to tie up lose ends in their life here on earth.