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Keeping Vigil over a Dying Loved One

Keeping vigil over a dying loved one is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do in life. However, it is a rite of passage for both you and your loved one. If possible, communicate together what your loved one's wishes are regarding their last days. Give them as much control over the remainder of their lives as possible.

Chronic illness means that you have likely talked with your dying loved one about their last wishes. However, if the illness is sudden, you want to make sure that advances directives such as a living will are already in place. That way, when an accident or sudden illness occurs, both parties are prepared and know what should be expected.

In advance, you should have mapped out care for your dying loved one. Here are some of the things you should have talked about:

1. Hospice care - This type of care is usually for end of life care to make your loved one more comfortable. Some people call it "waiting to die" health care. A health facility or even your home can serve as hospice care.

2. Hospital care - Designate when and when not to resuscitate. In addition, in terms of serious illnesses, you might want to dictate when the respirator or feeding tubes be removed.

3. Nursing homes - These facilities always have care staff on duty. Your dying loved one may choose to have their care administered in this type of place to ease the burden of family members with their personal care.

Cost plays a factor in any scenario with a dying loved one. Decide how much you can afford to pay and determine what insurance will cover. Try and come up with a game plan before your dying loved becomes too incapacitated to make their decisions. All the decisions laid out in advance eases the burden of the caregiver and allow all parties to make peace with the impending death without worrying about if you are going against their wishes.

Dying is not on a specific timetable. Therefore, if you are the caregiver, do not feel that you must be by your loved one's side 24/7. This not only compromises your health but also is unrealistic. Ask a family member or friend to sit with your loved one periodically and take a break. Use the time to sleep, run errands and just decompress and come to terms with your own feelings. Your loved one would understand and not want you to jeopardize your own health.

Even when your loved one may be incoherent or comatose in the last days, do not stop talking to them. At some level, they can likely sense that you are there. Not only will you appreciate those last moments, but it is also a good time to make peace with their passing and prepare yourself for when it does actually happen. By being by your loved one's side, you are respecting and paying honor to the life they have led too.